When you work on your inner self and see success either spiritually, mentally, or in business people always seem to come out of the blue and say things like; they’re just lucky, they know the right people, it won’t last, they’re not good enough for all they have. Sound familiar? Or are you the one telling others those horrible things that say the work they put in doesn’t matter?
If you’re a person that self depreciates or depreciates someone else’s work then listen up I’m going to call you out! I’ll share with you how to deal with people that are Debby downers so to speak or who devalue what you do or are working towards.
I’m going to focus on 2 types of self-depreciators. The belittler and the blamer. There are other types but for this blog post, I want to focus on who I feel is the top of the food chain of the self depreciators.
The belittler: let’s look at some scenarios of a belittler.
Scene 1: You start your own business and really earn a living.
Belittler: She got lucky, she jumped in at the right time, she had help.
Scene 2: You get sober.
Belittler: It won’t last, she’s lying, she’ll be an addict again in 2 years.
Scene 3: You buy a home or invest in property.
Belittler: The tax rate will increase in a couple of years, that neighborhood is going to crap, the crime rate is high, the property is small.
Each of those scenarios the belittlers task is to try and make you feel just as bad as they do. They want you to be just as pessimistic as they are. To always see the negative or bad in everything.
I’m sure your first thought is to have a negative reaction towards them, which is what they want. Don’t do this. That energy level doesn’t help you it fuels their fire, not yours. Here’s what you can do. Feel bad for them because that is no way to walk through life. Walking around in a negative stressful energy will decrease your life and speed up the aging process at the same time. Next, you need to be aware that they weren’t born that way. They were taught this behavior either by friends or family or both. By knowing this you can do 2 things. 1: ignore them and let them suffer alone or 2: help them see a new way of thinking. Guide them into becoming more optimistic. If you choose #2 here’s how you can guide them. Don’t try to correct them, they will see this as a challenge, help them see your light as their light. Just like making a child think something is their idea, make them see something as part of their plan. If you can switch their behavior towards a situation you can slowly teach them optimism.
The blamer: Blames the world, the government, society, parents, kids, circumstances, for the way they feel, their self-doubt, and everything that hasn’t gone right in their life.
The blamer: doesn’t accept responsibility for anything. Helping them is left on their shoulders NOT YOURS. Let me paint a picture for you. Some of my story.
I began smoking at age 12 or 13. As an adult, you would blame my parents if you’re a stranger looking in because monkey see monkey do right?. You’d be correct if my behavior was corrected quickly. But, I brought the habit into my 30’s when I have the mental capacity to take full responsibility for allowing myself to continue smoking being fully aware of the negative side effects it has on my day to day life.
Instead of me blaming my parents as an adult, I took responsibility and corrected my own actions.
Placing blame keeps you in a reactive mental state and staying reactive is like living in a constant state of stress.
From my experience, and someone who was placing blame for a while, you can’t easily guide them like you can a pessimist, so, it’s better to let them come to accountability on their own.
When I was in blame mode you couldn’t tell me anything. Everything was a battle, a conflict. But, it wasn’t a battle with the other person it was an inner battle with myself.
Blaming is easier to do than taking responsibility or accountability.
Once I figured this out I quickly adjusted my inner self and the battle came to a halt. I became more happy and joyful!!
Belittler: see the negative in everything others do. Can be guided to see a different way.
Blamer: Blames everyone or anything for their behaviors, feelings, actions, and is not easily guided until they complete an inner battle with themselves. Therapy, self-direction, and mindset shift will help a blamer. Don’t try and force their correction though they will see that as a challenge and it will backfire on you.
Now I hope you can use perspective when dealing with people like a belittler or blamer and not treat them as a bad person because we are all taught to act the way we do and sometimes some people need more help and guidance than others.
Just like when we look at drug addicts in a negative way. I hope to change the way we see people in general and their behaviors. Everyone can change on multiple levels especially if we give encouragement and guidance or the space to change!
Until next time,
Create Miracles – Not Excuses
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