The truth of the story is I am fully to blame for the situations I went through.
Anyone can easily place blame on their parents or the people they grew up around or choose to hang with as kids. But the real fucking hard truth is YOU are to blame for the shit you put yourself through.
I’m talking about drugs, alcohol, depression, negative energy, all of those negative effects are not going to change unless you do something about it.
For instance I can blame the people I hung around in middle and high school that were all drug users or dealers.
I could blame my brother for introducing me to weed at a young age.
I could blame the teacher for calling me dumb and slow and I wouldn’t amount to anything for my depression.
I could blame my parents for giving me life.
Come on, whose list could go on and on and on?
The hard truth is that no one held a gun to your head, no one forced you to inhale, no one forced you to hang around the crowd of misfits that thought drugs were the solution.
My life has been a life of not caring about myself
I started smoking at the ripe young age of 12, started smoking weed at 14 – 15, started drinking alcohol at 16 and then it all went downhill from there.
My last year of high school is when I started to do cocaine. I had moments of anger outburst, I would even snort cocaine on the school desk. I even almost got expelled but my mom was able to talk to the principle out of that and just get me transferred to a new class at the end of the year.
I graduated with my class with a C average.
After I graduated I continued making horrible decisions while being a functioning addict.
I would go days without sleeping, staying at peoples houses I shouldn’t have and then taking a week off to recoup and then I’d be back at the same negative routine of binge drugging and drinking.
I look back on my life and wonder how I even kept a job. I didn’t have a great job or even steady jobs. I bounced from one to the next.
I eventually stopped cocaine and strictly drank. Almost every single day I drank. Not socially either, I’d go to the store buy a six pack and that would be the end of my day.
My drinking problem among my early drug use was just a shield for my deeper issues. It was covering up my real emotions, which in turn made me act aggressively and out of character. I didn’t realize any of this until I actually became sober, which didn’t happen until 2018, the year my second daughter turned 2.
Now my daughter is turning 3 and I’m learning more and more about the real me each and every day.
My purpose for this blog or website is to share my journey and experience with you and to also bring more awareness to addiction and mental issues. In the society we live in, especially America, there is a astigmatism with addiction and mental issues. They are viewed in a negative light as if they are issues easily fixed.
Yes, mental issues and addiction of any kind is fixable and with repeated exercises the outcome certainly outweighs inaction.
If you’re reading this and you’re addicted or depressed or are struggling in life then do not give up and just continue your same cycle. There is a better option and you have to make a choice today to take action now.
If you’re reading this and you’re a family member, friend, or even co-worker, than know that you have a part in the healing process as well. For starters, let’s just not judge. Whether you think so or not, judgement is felt through the energy you send out, the snickers you make, or the gossip you stir up. Use this site as a tool to help yourself help those in need. Also, just because you know someone that has a problem do not stop including them and being their friend. Support is big part of the healing process and there are enough people in this world that feel alone and hopeless, don’t allow it to be those that are calling out for help that are right in front of you.
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